The Nuclear Option: Meteorologists, the Professional Fake Forecasters
CHARLES HURT7 Sep 2019
President Trump defeated establishment Republicans and destroyed the Democrats. He has slain swamp kings along the banks of the Potomac. He stood up to Chinese President Xi Jinping, stiffed the mullahs of Iran and walked away from North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un. And he utterly humiliated the Great Political Pundits of 2016.
Now come the meteorologists.
Sheathed in their nerdy white lab coats and pocket protectors, armed with their little TV weather screen clickers, they are ready for battle against the Great Orange Force of Nature.
“Trump clings to idea Alabama faced big threat from Dorian,” blares The Associated Press headline about the first major hurricane of the Atlantic season.
The meteorologists declared it a Category 5 on Sept. 1. It was a Category 5 — until it wasn’t.
Meteorologists are in the business of getting predictions wrong. Why else does anyone watch the weather news — except for the hilarity of watching them get it wrong day after day after day? They predict sunshine, grab your umbrella.
Meteorologists are so deeply wedded to fake weather predictions that they make the Great Political Pundits of 2016 look like an army of Nostradamuses.
Just when you think it can’t get any more ridiculous, the world of fake news collides with the world of fake weather forecasts. Who could have seen that coming? Certainly not the meteorologists or political pundits.
Mr. Trump’s great crime here was, as usual, a tweet.
“In addition to Florida — South Carolina, North Carolina, Georgia, and Alabama, will most likely be hit (much) harder than anticipated. Looking like one of the largest hurricanes ever. Already category 5. BE CAREFUL! GOD BLESS EVERYONE!”
Every shred of information included in the president’s tweet came directly from — that’s right — meteorologists. The very same meteorologists who then turned viciously against Mr. Trump as soon as their own predictions, as usual, turned into total fantasy.
One fake forecaster complained about Mr. Trump’s tweet in an email to the AP. “Alabama was never in the five-day cone except for a tiny sliver of the southeast corner of the state at one point.”
Seriously? This is the idiot’s complaint?
In other words, Alabama was never in the five-day cone except when it was. And how is it that somehow the “tiny sliver of the southeast corner” of Alabama is suddenly no longer “Alabama”?
No wonder these people dedicate so much of their lives to giving the American people fake weather forecasts.
Another weather faker complained that since Mr. Trump has such a massive Twitter following — far larger than even the largest fake weather “forecaster” — he needs to stick with only the latest fake forecasts.
“If he’s going to be a provider of up-to-date information, he needs to be up to date,” the fake forecaster sniveled.
In other words, leave the fake forecasting to the professional fake forecasters and only pass along the very latest fake forecast that all the professional fake forecasters currently agree upon.
Thank God for Donald J. Trump.
• Contact Charles Hurt at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter @charleshurt.