Senate To Be Replaced With Room Full Of Monkeys Throwing Feces

Senate To Be Replaced With Room Full Of Monkeys Throwing Feces
September 28th, 2018
https://babylonbee.com/news/senate-to-be-replaced-with-room-full-of-monkeys-throwing-feces/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an emergency, overnight referendum, the American people voted on Thursday to replace the United States Senate with a room full of monkeys throwing feces. The measure passed with 57% of the vote. 22% of voters thought the Senate should be replaced by barking seals, while 17% voted that the replacement should be the pit of venomous snakes from Indiana Jones. 3.97% voted that Senate members be replaced by screaming goats. “About 100 people” voted for the current Senators to keep their jobs, with this tiny voting bloc centered in Washington, D.C.

Highland Ape Rescue out of West Virginia will be teaming up with Cornwell Primate farms to supply hundreds of monkeys and apes to the Senate. The animals will be fed a nutritious mixture of foods that produce easily throwable feces. Protective glass will be put up around the Senate for camera crews to safely film, but anyone being interviewed by the new senators will have to sit in the middle of the poo-flinging octagon, coming under a heavy barrage of projectile excrement.

“It will be a huge improvement from how things were before,” said ape trainer, Marlena Henwick. “No more 10-12 hour hearings. With these monkeys, all the fecal projectiles will have been flung in under 30 minutes. One and done.”

The recently replaced senators will be placed on display at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. for families to park attendees to observe and zoologists to study.

Wicked Hearts and Evil Purposes, By Beth Alcazar, USCCA


Wicked Hearts and Evil Purposes
By Beth Alcazar // 04/03/2018
https://www.usconcealedcarry.com/wicked-hearts-evil-purposes/?j=8958&sfmc_sub=3148047&l=15_HTML&u=165492&mid=7295358&jb=434

Are you tired of hearing it, yet?

Guns are the problem.

The NRA is the problem.

The GOP is the problem.

Well, here’s the deal. What if guns, the NRA or the GOP really were the problem? What if we just abolished all three?

What if we banned all U.S. citizens from having guns — just took them all away? Would we be safer? Would crime stop? Would bad people with evil intentions change their ways? Would violence end?

People like to point to Australia as an example of this all-out gun ban. However, murder was the only serious crime that experienced a consistent decline post-ban. Murder rates dropped 31 percent, from a rate of 1.6 per 100,000 people in 1994 to 1.1 per 100,000 in 2012. In fact, according to the Australian government’s statistics, manslaughter, sexual assault, kidnapping and armed robbery all saw peaks in the years following the firearms ban, and most of these crimes remain near or above pre-ban rates. In the meantime, America was more than doubling the number of firearms manufactured but saw a nearly identical drop in homicides with the use of firearms. So, although Australia may have fewer firearms-related murders, when you disarm law-abiding civilians, violent crime increases because there is nothing to deter criminals. And as the country has seen, a criminal with a knife will still rob, rape and kill.



https://globalnews.ca/video/embed/3778879/

What if we got rid of the NRA — just shut down the whole organization? Would all guns disappear? Would murders suddenly end? Would children in gun-free zones be completely safe and protected because this educational organization was gone?

The National Rifle Association was started to educate and inform. Specifically, union veterans began the NRA in order to “promote and encourage rifle shooting on a scientific basis,” as one of the founders wrote. And this organization with more than 5 million members continues its commitment to training, education and marksmanship to this day. Thousands of classes, events, shows and meetings occur all over the U.S. every year, but none have ever reported any incidents of violence with firearms.

Of course, education and training are not all the NRA does. It has grown and expanded to include the Institute for Legislative Action (ILA), established in 1975. The ILA is the lobbying arm for the NRA, responsible for the legislative, political and legal arenas. It’s this arm that supports and fights for responsible, law-abiding gun owners, not criminals.

What if we outlawed the GOP — just said people can’t be part of government anymore if they are Republican? No more Grand Old Party. Would our nation come together? Would we be united? Would all the problems just go away?

Organized political parties have played an interesting role in our country because they’re intended to promote political competition and accountability. But we know problems would continue to occur with or without the fearless elephant and the two-party system. The important thing to note in this case is that guns are not a political thing: They’re an American thing. Libertarians believe that every person has the right to arm himself or herself in self-defense. The New Independent Party believes that the Constitution guarantees individual citizens the right to bear arms. There is also a large amount of Democrat gun owners. And while most people are quick to suggest that most liberals would rather ban guns, many liberals are interested in gun safety and support the use of firearms. And what about groups like The Liberal Gun Club, a gun-advocacy group whose membership ranges from socialists to anarchists to Reagan Democrats?

The thing is, guns alone are not the problem. They never have been. It’s the person holding the firearm who poses any potential problems. Only the person with the weapon (whether it’s a knife, a pen, a vehicle or any other object) can actually use that tool to either do good or do evil. And getting rid of tools, organizations or even political parties can never solve the problems of wicked hearts and evil purposes.

Blacklisted News: ENTIRE FLORIDA POLICE DEPT BUSTED!

ENTIRE FLORIDA POLICE DEPT BUSTED LAUNDERING TENS OF MILLIONS FOR INTERNATIONAL DRUG CARTELS
Published: January 1, 2016
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http://www.blacklistednews.com/Entire_Florida_Police_Dept_Busted_Laundering_Tens_of_Millions_For_International_Drug_Cartels/48092/0/38/38/Y/M.html

SOURCE: JUSTIN GARDNER

The village of Bal Harbour, population 2,513, may have a tiny footprint on the northern tip of Miami Beach, but its police department had grand aspirations of going after international drug traffickers, and making a few million dollars while they were at it.

The Bal Harbour PD and the Glades County Sheriff’s Office set up a giant money laundering scheme with the purported goal of busting drug cartels and stemming the surge of drug dealing going on in the area. But it all fell apart when federal investigators and the Miami-Herald found strange things going on.

The two-year operation, which took in more than $55 million from criminal groups, resulted in zero arrests but netted $2.4 million for the police posing as money launderers. Members of the 12-person task force traveled far and wide to carry out their deals, from Los Angeles to New York to Puerto Rico.

Along the way, the small-town cops got a taste of luxury as they used the money for first-class flights, luxury hotels, Mac computers and submachine guns. Meanwhile, the Bal Harbour PD and Glades County Sheriffs were buying all sorts of fancy new equipment.

Besides these “official” uses of the money, confidential records obtained by the Miami-Herald show that officers withdrew hundreds of thousands of dollars with no record of where the money went.

“They were like bank robbers with badges,” said Dennis Fitzgerald, an attorney and former Drug Enforcement Administration agent who taught undercover tactics for the U.S. State Department. “It had no law enforcement objective. The objective was to make money.”
The operation, which was not fully reported to federal authorities, funneled millions of dollars to overseas criminals and interfered with investigations being carried out on known money launderers.

The latest revelations show that at least 20 people in Venezuela were sent drug money from the Florida cops, including William Amaro Sanchez, the foreign minister under Hugo Chavez and now special assistant to President Nicolas Maduro.

They wired a total of $211,000 to Sanchez, even while the U.S. government was investigating Venezuelan government leaders involved in the drug trade. Instead of reporting their knowledge of Sanchez to federal agencies, the cops went on laundering money, taking their cut, and all the while aiding Sanchez in his machinations, which likely included political corruption.

Four other Venezuelan criminals and smugglers were major recipients of the millions being wired from the Bal Harbour PD and Glades County Sheriff’s Office, including a figure tied to one of the largest drug cartels in the hemisphere.

These actions violated strict federal bans on sending illegal money overseas, and the Florida cops never investigated the backgrounds of the people receiving their laundered drug money.
“I can’t think of a more podunk town than Bal Harbour — not in a bad way. But in the sense that these cops would have otherwise been stopping traffic or shooting radar,” said Ruben Oliva, who has represented alleged narco-traffickers since the 1980s. “In reality they were being launderers. The minute they started doing busts, it would have been over.

“This is like a movie. You’ve got these guys and they’re flying all over. They’re saying, ‘Hey, I’m in the big leagues.’ I’ve seen every kind of law enforcement money-laundering investigations. I’ve never seen anything like this. It’s really one for the ages.”
After the Department of Justice busted the Bal Harbour PD for misspending seized money to pay police salaries, the Miami-Herald began deeper investigations and found a much bigger pool of money that was never noticed by the feds. Soon after that, the ambitious sting operation–which was really just a money-making scheme–began to fall apart.
“The Miami Herald gained unprecedented access to the confidential records of the undercover investigation, reviewing thousands of records including cash pickup reports, emails, DEA reports, bank statements and wire transfers for millions of dollars. The inquiry found:

▪ Police routinely withdrew cash — thousands at a time — totaling $1.3 million from undercover bank accounts, but to this day there are no records to show where the money was spent. “In all my years of law enforcement, I’ve never seen anything like it,” Chief Overton said.

▪ Bal Harbour officials say they cannot find receipts for hundreds of thousands in expenses, including five-star hotel bookings, dinners that ran up to $1,000 and scores of purchases like laptops, iPads, electronic money counters, flower deliveries, and even iTunes downloads.

▪ While posing as launderers, police delivered nearly $20 million to storefront businesses in Miami-Dade to launder the money for drug groups — gathering critical evidence against the business owners — yet took no action against them. Years later, the businesses are still open, some still suspected by federal agents of laundering for the cartels.”
Cash deposits to SunTrust Bank totaling $28 million do not appear anywhere in police records. It’s no coincidence that the operation was launched “at a time law enforcement agencies across Florida were looking to boost their budgets during one of the state’s toughest economic periods.”
“We had to find a revenue stream,” said Duane Pottorff, chief of law enforcement for Glades. “It allowed us to have resources we wouldn’t normally have.”
Federal authorities and the Florida Department of Law Enforcement have launched probes into the Bal Harbour police, which will surely confirm the rampant abuses of power. However, the fact that these types of shady operations, carried out with the help of agencies such as Immigration and Customs Enforcement, can occur at all is even more troubling.

Government creates a black market of drugs and blood money through prohibition, then under the War on Drugs it grants itself the power to break the law and get involved in money laundering operations. While the professed goal is to “sting” the bad guys, government rakes in millions upon millions of dollars to further bolster its prohibition and war on drugs.

The War on Drugs is the real scheme that should be investigated.