Senate To Be Replaced With Room Full Of Monkeys Throwing Feces

Senate To Be Replaced With Room Full Of Monkeys Throwing Feces
September 28th, 2018
https://babylonbee.com/news/senate-to-be-replaced-with-room-full-of-monkeys-throwing-feces/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an emergency, overnight referendum, the American people voted on Thursday to replace the United States Senate with a room full of monkeys throwing feces. The measure passed with 57% of the vote. 22% of voters thought the Senate should be replaced by barking seals, while 17% voted that the replacement should be the pit of venomous snakes from Indiana Jones. 3.97% voted that Senate members be replaced by screaming goats. “About 100 people” voted for the current Senators to keep their jobs, with this tiny voting bloc centered in Washington, D.C.

Highland Ape Rescue out of West Virginia will be teaming up with Cornwell Primate farms to supply hundreds of monkeys and apes to the Senate. The animals will be fed a nutritious mixture of foods that produce easily throwable feces. Protective glass will be put up around the Senate for camera crews to safely film, but anyone being interviewed by the new senators will have to sit in the middle of the poo-flinging octagon, coming under a heavy barrage of projectile excrement.

“It will be a huge improvement from how things were before,” said ape trainer, Marlena Henwick. “No more 10-12 hour hearings. With these monkeys, all the fecal projectiles will have been flung in under 30 minutes. One and done.”

The recently replaced senators will be placed on display at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. for families to park attendees to observe and zoologists to study.

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Wicked Hearts and Evil Purposes, By Beth Alcazar, USCCA


Wicked Hearts and Evil Purposes
By Beth Alcazar // 04/03/2018
https://www.usconcealedcarry.com/wicked-hearts-evil-purposes/?j=8958&sfmc_sub=3148047&l=15_HTML&u=165492&mid=7295358&jb=434

Are you tired of hearing it, yet?

Guns are the problem.

The NRA is the problem.

The GOP is the problem.

Well, here’s the deal. What if guns, the NRA or the GOP really were the problem? What if we just abolished all three?

What if we banned all U.S. citizens from having guns — just took them all away? Would we be safer? Would crime stop? Would bad people with evil intentions change their ways? Would violence end?

People like to point to Australia as an example of this all-out gun ban. However, murder was the only serious crime that experienced a consistent decline post-ban. Murder rates dropped 31 percent, from a rate of 1.6 per 100,000 people in 1994 to 1.1 per 100,000 in 2012. In fact, according to the Australian government’s statistics, manslaughter, sexual assault, kidnapping and armed robbery all saw peaks in the years following the firearms ban, and most of these crimes remain near or above pre-ban rates. In the meantime, America was more than doubling the number of firearms manufactured but saw a nearly identical drop in homicides with the use of firearms. So, although Australia may have fewer firearms-related murders, when you disarm law-abiding civilians, violent crime increases because there is nothing to deter criminals. And as the country has seen, a criminal with a knife will still rob, rape and kill.



https://globalnews.ca/video/embed/3778879/

What if we got rid of the NRA — just shut down the whole organization? Would all guns disappear? Would murders suddenly end? Would children in gun-free zones be completely safe and protected because this educational organization was gone?

The National Rifle Association was started to educate and inform. Specifically, union veterans began the NRA in order to “promote and encourage rifle shooting on a scientific basis,” as one of the founders wrote. And this organization with more than 5 million members continues its commitment to training, education and marksmanship to this day. Thousands of classes, events, shows and meetings occur all over the U.S. every year, but none have ever reported any incidents of violence with firearms.

Of course, education and training are not all the NRA does. It has grown and expanded to include the Institute for Legislative Action (ILA), established in 1975. The ILA is the lobbying arm for the NRA, responsible for the legislative, political and legal arenas. It’s this arm that supports and fights for responsible, law-abiding gun owners, not criminals.

What if we outlawed the GOP — just said people can’t be part of government anymore if they are Republican? No more Grand Old Party. Would our nation come together? Would we be united? Would all the problems just go away?

Organized political parties have played an interesting role in our country because they’re intended to promote political competition and accountability. But we know problems would continue to occur with or without the fearless elephant and the two-party system. The important thing to note in this case is that guns are not a political thing: They’re an American thing. Libertarians believe that every person has the right to arm himself or herself in self-defense. The New Independent Party believes that the Constitution guarantees individual citizens the right to bear arms. There is also a large amount of Democrat gun owners. And while most people are quick to suggest that most liberals would rather ban guns, many liberals are interested in gun safety and support the use of firearms. And what about groups like The Liberal Gun Club, a gun-advocacy group whose membership ranges from socialists to anarchists to Reagan Democrats?

The thing is, guns alone are not the problem. They never have been. It’s the person holding the firearm who poses any potential problems. Only the person with the weapon (whether it’s a knife, a pen, a vehicle or any other object) can actually use that tool to either do good or do evil. And getting rid of tools, organizations or even political parties can never solve the problems of wicked hearts and evil purposes.

From USCCA: Of course I trust Governor Moon Beam, that those 2.3 million illegal immigrants are “hard-working families” and therefore trustworthy and law abiding(!)


California Condition Orange
By Rick Sapp // 10/27/2017
https://www.usconcealedcarry.com/california-condition-orange/

I’m not planning to visit California soon. No one there will lose sleep over that announcement, I suppose, but California recently became America’s first “Sanctuary State.” Apparently, by signing Senate Bill 54, Governor Jerry “Moon Beam” Brown limited the ability of state and local law enforcement agencies to “hold, question and transfer” individuals at the request of federal immigration authorities. The law takes effect in January 2018.

Brown called California’s 2.3 million illegal immigrants — most, I presume, from Latin America — “hard-working families” which, to my way of thinking, is nice but irrelevant. Thus, he chooses which national laws he likes and will enforce and those which he will not. (If the U.S. were attacked by North Korea, could he, for example, sign a bill forbidding California residents to join the military or pay the federal Income Tax? A traitor is a traitor, no matter how large … or small.)

There’s an interesting passage in a book I’m reading, Kim MacQuarrie’s Life and Death in the Andes. He writes about Sendero Luminoso, the vicious Communist Shining Path guerrilla movement of Peru:

“Like Marx, [Abimael] Guzman [Shining Path’s leader] began to believe that a glorious, stateless future awaited humanity — although that future might have to be prodded into existence with the help of guns.”

Like America’s Communist Left, Shining Path maintained that anyone who did not believe as they did was an enemy and should be killed. Thus, following the Las Vegas murders, Hayley Geftman-Gold, CBS vice president and senior counsel, tweeted: “If they wouldn’t do anything when children were murdered I have no hope that Repugs will ever do the right thing. I’m actually not even sympathetic bc country music fans often are Republican gun toters.”

California Governor Jerry “Moon Beam” Brown says the illegal immigrants in his state are just ordinary hard-working people. He lusts for the Marxist vision of a stateless society, where only his cops have guns (“To each according to their need. From each according to their ability.”) rather than the Jeffersonian model of a well-regulated, equal opportunity capitalist enterprise where individuals rise according to their energy and merit, and where individual responsibility begins with self-defense.

America’s Communist Left has reversed the course of classical Marxist strategy: Rule the countryside and the cities, bourgeoisie centers of wealth and oppression, will inevitably fall. In America, the Communist Left has subtly seized the news media and universities like the University of California at Berkeley.

So how do you carry in California, a “may-issue” state? The Center for Investigative Reporting at revealnews.org maintained that in mid-2015, “requests from more than 16,000 Californians to carry a concealed gun in public are in limbo…” Reporter Matt Drange said, “San Francisco has issued fewer permits in the last five years than any other county in the state. This is partly because so few people apply, knowing they are unlikely to receive a permit and not wanting a denial on their record. Each of the 13 applications submitted to the city’s police department last year still are pending.”

According to California’s Dept. of Justice Bureau of Firearms, 70,593 Californians possessed a concealed carry permit in 2015, about 0.2 percent of the state population … well below the national average. There are about 13.5 million concealed firearms permits nationwide, 5 percent of the population.

California and other centers of the Communist Left do not recognize national laws they don’t like. They are becoming a law unto themselves, although they still want Federal (i.e. your) support in any emergency — from earthquakes to forest fires. California does not recognize any other state permit and does not issue permits to residents of other states. My Georgia, Utah and New Mexico permits notwithstanding, I cannot carry on the Left Coast which wants, in Karl Marx’s mythological world, “a glorious, stateless future.” Plus unicorns and rainbows, I suppose.

So should I have to visit California — and it is a land of marvelous scenic attractions — I’ll leave my Walther behind. I’ll depart without my Smith & Wesson or my Kel-Tec. I won’t attempt to hide them in my luggage or beneath the car. (Cops are smarter at finding than I am at hiding.)

Instead, I’ll just avoid traveling there — and Chicago (my erstwhile birthplace) — and Massachusetts. In short, any state that doesn’t have reciprocity with my carry permits.

If I do go however, I’ll try to maintain a sense of awareness, vigilance, a Condition Orange status … which is exhausting. Of course I trust Governor Moon Beam, that those 2.3 million illegal immigrants are “hard-working families” and therefore trustworthy and law abiding(!). It’s the other 37.5 million residents who scare me.

California to Alaska — Animals starving as food chains continue to collapse

https://s25.postimg.org/6t7cy377z/Screenshot_2016_01_18_at_8_08_59_AM.png
Massive die-off of sea creatures from California to Alaska — Animals starving as food chains continue to collapse — Mass starvation events plague West Coast — Scientist: “Felt like I was doing nothing but counting dead animals” — TV: Deaths really quite troubling (VIDEO)
By ENENews, on January 12th, 2017

Published: January 12th, 2017 at 1:49 pm ET
By ENENews

http://enenews.com/massive-die-off-of-sea-creatures-from-california-to-alaska-animals-starving-as-food-chains-continue-to-collapse-mass-starvation-events-plague-west-coast-scientist-felt-like-i-was-doing-not


The Press Democrat, Dec 25, 2016 (emphasis added): Ocean changes upend North Coast fisheries… once reliable ocean rhythms have been seriously unsettled of late, confounding those who depend on predictable, seasonal cycles… a symptom of widespread marine anomalies that have prevailed for the past three years, threatening everything from seabirds and sea lions to treasured catches such as salmon and abalone. “The ocean is changing,” one glum crabber aboard the vessel New Horizon said… Irregularity “is starting to look like the new normal,” he said… Evidence of starvation in abalone populations prompted authorities to impose new restrictions in the sport abalone fishery next year to limit the catch. The commercial red urchin fishery is suffering, as well… Meanwhile, the commercial salmon harvest, California’s most valuable ocean fishery, continues to suffer, with spawning populations reduced significantly… Mass-starvation events have hit a spectrum of other West Coast marine wildlife, mostly due to the collapse of food chains… Large dieoffs of Cassin’s auklets, a tiny seabird, were first noticed when dead birds began washing ashore in fall of 2014. A year later, it was malnourished and dead common murres that were found adrift. Juvenile California sea lions, Guadalupe fur seals and other marine mammals have suffered for several years, as well, both from starvation and, to a lesser extent, from domoic acid poisoning.

Pete Thomas Outdoors (Former columnist for the LA Times), Dec 22, 2016: Young orca found dead near Vancouver; are iconic mammals starving to death?… J34 becomes the fifth member of J Pod to have died this year, reducing the pod’s number to 25. The cause of J34’s death is not known, but he was reported to have appeared noticeably thin during recent sightings. Also, the necropsy revealed signs of physical injury. The cause of death for the four other J Pod members was not determined because bodies were not recovered – the animals simply vanished. But it appears as through Southern Residents as a whole are suffering from a slow starvation…

KOMO, Dec 22, 2016: [The orcas] go through periodic bouts of nutritional deficiency,” said [Howard Garrett, who runs the Orca Network]. “There’s just not enough of the chinook salmon and the coho chum salmon which are basically all they will eat.”

CTV, Dec 23, 2016: After the October 2016 deaths of a 23-year-old female, J28, and likely her 10-month-old calf, experts from the Center for Whale Research said dwindling food sources were a main factor in the population’s decline.

CTV transcript excerpt, Dec 23, 2016: Dr Anna Hall zoologist: “It died virtually in the prime of its life… It’s very, very concerning that a second animal just died.”…

CTV transcript excerpts, Dec 21, 2016: The numbers keep declining, mothers and babies dying — some experts say because of a lack of food…. so the death is really quite troubling.

Alaska Dispatch News: Nov 11, 2016: Kachemak Bay has seen massive die-offs of sea stars and other species. What’s going on? — I came to the beach to count sea star corpses.. About 10 species once were common in the intertidal zone here…hundreds of which had been dismembered and scattered over the beach, as if a monster had stalked through before us, tearing their bodies apart… We’re left with an absence, another mystery… A few months earlier… tens of thousands of murres starved to death and washed up along beaches all over Southcentral and Southwest Alaska. Biologists counted more dead seabirds than they ever had before, but there were more than anyone could count, leading to the second consecutive summer of empty nesting colonies… It was also the second summer in a row with no clams or clammers on Ninilchik beaches, and no young clams to promise a recovery. Otters washed up dead on the shores of Kachemak Bay. Dead whales rotted on the surface… How weird is all this? And does it all fit together?… Soon there were no more sunflower stars to be found. Other species followed… and then almost no sea stars at all… [Katie Aspen Gavenus, a naturalist with the Center for Alaskan Coastal Studies] reported dead sea stars to researchers in California, as she’d reported dead seabirds to researchers in Washington state. “Sometimes this summer, it felt like I was doing nothing but counting dead animals.”… “It’s probably a pathogen plus environmental factors,” said Melissa Miner, a researcher with University of California, Santa Cruz who’s been tracking the outbreak for years… We don’t know what will happen with the sea stars. We don’t even know what is happening with the sea stars. The scientists I spoke to didn’t know why the Kachemak Bay sea stars died this summer — they didn’t even know it had happened… Last winter, tens of thousands of murres starved to death. This summer, the remaining murres abandoned their nesting colonies and failed to raise chicks.

Watch the CTV broadcast here

A Real Heartbreaker Story, Ya Think California Might Actually Begin to Believe the Truth About the Pacific Now? What About the Rest of the Sleepers, Will They Now Awaken?

Thanks Fukushima, for the death of all sea life in the Pacific!

FOX L.A.: “Dead sea lions litter Malibu beaches, families shocked… WARNING: Graphic Images” — Babies being eaten by birds — So many 911 calls about dying animals it’s “bogging down system” — “Scientists say this year is worst in history” — Tells us “major changes are going on out in the ocean” (VIDEO)
Published: February 24th, 2015 at 10:11 am ET
By ENENews
http://enenews.com/fox-dozens-dead-sea-lions-litter-la-beaches-families-shocked-many-calls-911-about-dying-animals-bogging-down-system-scientists-year-worst-history-devastating-scene-horrifying-video

FOX 11 News, Feb 23, 2015 (emphasis added): Dozens of dead Sea Lions litter Malibu beaches; families shocked — A family stumbled upon nearly 10 dead sea lions on a Malibu beach Sunday (WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGES IN THIS STORY AND VIDEO) “We just came down the stairs and little sea lions are being washed on to shore dying,” Neda Soderqvist says… “It was devastating to see a bunch of sea lions just lying dead. It wasn’t one or two it was six or eight,” Soderqvist said to FOX 11′s Christine O’Donnell. The sight was especially difficult for her seven-year-old… “They came up and just died right in front of us,” Isabella said… Earlier in the week, Kristin Thames says stumbled across the same devastating scene… “They’re only allowed to take three sea lion pups because there’s not enough space at the rescue centers for more,” Thames said, “it’s really sad.”

Marin Independent Journal, Feb 21, 2015: “First time in our history that we have had sea lion pups here this early” [said] Shawn Johnson, director of veterinary science at the mammal center… sea lions are a sentinel species, a canary in the coal mine. “They can tell us what is happening in the ocean and if it’s unhealthy.”

Fox News, Feb 23, 2015: A heartbreaking and troubling mystery for the third year in a row… Johnson: “They’re so thin, they’re like 15-16 pounds… they should be 30-40″… Scientists say this year is the worst in history – 10 times the normal number of strandings… Johnson: “It’s obvious that the ocean is changing, and the sea lions are sentinels of the seas. They’re telling us that there are major changes going on out there in the oceans today.”

OC Register, Feb 18, 2015: Nearly 1,000 sea lion pups have been found stranded on the Southern California beaches this year, about five times higher than what caused experts to panic two years ago… Wednesday, centers reported 940 for the year… 196 sea lions were reported stranded along Southern California beaches in by the end of February 2013, the year NOAA declared an unusual mortality event…

La Jolla Light, Feb 17, 2015: Concerned citizens and visitors to La Jolla’s beaches have been excessively calling 911 to report malnourished and dehydrated sea lion pups, reports San Diego lifeguard Lt. Rich Stropky, which is “bogging down the system.”

Geoffrey Melendres, Feb 23, 2015: “I tried to save this one the day before yesterday … but when I looked for it yesterday I found it dead with its grieving momma.”

Unaired footage shows seagulls eating baby sea lions, Feb 15, 2015: “The seagull’s eating it!”

Please help me share this video ~ I was able to get FOX 11 news to air it, Feb 23, 2015: “Please help me spread awareness ~ our sea lions are dying by the dozens daily. Wildlife can only help rescue three a day due to nowhere to place them. I’m so sad and hopeless for these poor sea animals. The more noise we make the faster we can help.”

Source video for clips seen on FOX 11 News here

Published: February 24th, 2015 at 10:11 am ET
By ENENews
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FOX San Diego: Sardines, crayfish “disappeared from Pacific Ocean… they’ve just vanished” — Marine mammals starving, struggling to survive on West Coast — Strandings in past 5 weeks already exceed what’s normally seen for an entire year — “Much larger” than anything on record (VIDEOS) February 10, 2015
NBC: Record level of sick or injured California seals and sea lions turning up — “The numbers are extraordinary” — “Scientists worried… The worst kind of perfect storm” — Pups should be weighing 2 or 3 times as much, “severely malnourished” (VIDEO) April 18, 2014
Gov’t Data: US hit with worst fallout the year AFTER Fukushima began — Radioactive cesium spiked to highest levels ever recorded in history of EPA’s radiation network October 1, 2014
‘Marine Mystery’ in California: “Toxic outbreak threatening marine life” — Birds falling from sky, sea lions convulsing — “Worst they’ve ever seen” — Toxin hits record level, almost 1,000% above gov’t limit — Heart lesions, severe shrinking in part of brain, nervous system failure (VIDEO) May 3, 2014
TV: “Animals basically dying on our beaches” along West Coast — “New, worse calamity seems to be unfolding” — Experts: “Like walking skeletons”; “So hungry they gnaw on rocks”; “Skin hanging off”; “Extremely unusual… maybe the fish have all left”; “Prepare for the worst” (VIDEOS) February 1, 2015
February 24th, 2015 | Category: Audio/Video Clips, California, US, West Coast

Strange tumors, kids dying, pets dying — Much higher incidences of whole range of health problems reported — Experts: 1,000,000 cancers

“Truly Frightening”: Doctors being threatened for linking illnesses to Fukushima — Strange tumors, kids dying, pets dying — Much higher incidences of whole range of health problems reported — Experts: 1,000,000 cancers, plus many other ailments possible (AUDIO & VIDEO)
Published: October 28th, 2014 at 12:43 pm ET

By ENENews
http://enenews.com/frightening-doctors-being-threatened-telling-patients-illnesses-related-fukushima-radiation-strange-tumors-kids-dying-pets-dying-higher-incidences-range-health-problems-being-reported-experts?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+ENENews+%28Energy+News%29

Arnie Gundersen of Fairewinds Energy Education on Radio Ecoshock, released Oct 29, 2014:

Alex Smith, host of RadioEcoshock (at 10:30 in): We’ve heard almost nothing about the impacts [of the Fukushima catastrophe] on people in that region. There are accounts coming out of there of strange tumors, kids dying, pets dying — what have you heard? Can we ever expect an honest accounting from Japanese authorities?
Arnie Gundersen, nuclear engineer (emphasis added): That’s a pretty good summary, frankly. We continue to get information from people who live there about cancer rates — and illnesses in general, not just cancer. We think of radiation as a cancer causing thing, but it also causes many other ailments. Much higher incidences of a whole range of illnesses than they had in 2010, the year before the accident… We’re also working with doctors in Japan, and some brave doctors are saying that they’ve been threatened — that their hospital rights have been threatened — if you tell your patient this illness is radiation related you’ll lose your right to practice and things like that. So there’s enormous pressure on the medical community to tell the patients that what they’re experiencing is not at all related to radiation. The key is statistics, and the question is when will the statistics be released for mortality, morbidity, and general illnesses… We’re not seeing the data. The medical community now has to file every report that it writes with the IAEA, the International Atomic Energy Agency, before it’s issued. So if you’re a hospital, and you’ve got mortality data, you’re not allowed to issue that to the public until those reports have been cleared by the IAEA. Well, Article II of the IAEA charter is to promote nuclear power. So even if the hospital was conscientious — there’s a lot of political pressure not to be — but even if it was conscientious, there’s another step in the process, and they’ve got to clear an IAEA hurdle before those numbers are released. It’s truly frightening, the pressure the medical community is undergoing in Japan. Very few of them are willing to tell the truth.
Arnie Gundersen, nuclear engineer, Oct. 20, 2014 (at 15:00 in): There’s experts out there like me – independent experts – who are saying that as many as a million cancers may result.

Sneak peek of Oct. 29 broadcast here | Watch Oct. 20 presentation here